Well, life has taken a twist over the last month and a half or so.

Yann and I decided to end our 1.5 year relationship on the grounds that it was never going to go any further than what it was at. Our styles of living are just completely different - we get along fine together but when our friends and other aspects of our own personal lives come into play it turns complicated. I love this man with all my heart and probably will never stop but for now we've decided to remain friends, good ones at that. He's opened my eyes to a lot of new things, new things about myself, and has renewed a lot of doubts that I had about who I am - He's an incredible, genuine, loving and generous human being. I hope the next person that steals his heart protects and cherishes it like I do.

This change in life has sparked something in me that I don't think I've really ever seen. I've made a couple major changes in my life.



March 25th I put out my last cigarette and have not smoked since - I've finally gotten to the point where I can crave but deal with it without ripping heads off. I can't really say that I can feel the full effects of not smoking because of my allergies are so bad right now with the season change that I've been pretty congested and phlegmy inside, I haven't been able to taste or smell much the last couple of weeks but I'm sure that once all this is over I'll be pretty happy with the results. I didn't think I would be able to do this, but after 17 years of smoking and realizing that I've never actually tried with all my power to do it, I turned it into a challenge - put my mind to it, built it up with my friends, family, and peers that I was going quit - I left myself absolutely no room for failure and so far this has worked because I truelly have no desire to start smoking again. (I know I said this back in 2005 - but, for some reason, this time is different).

March 28th I joined 24 hour fitness and to date Ive lost 22lbs - Since I've been back Seattle from SF - I've gained nearly 80 lbs and this has just been devistating to my self esteem and overall attitude about life. Seattle does this to people which is why I left in 96 to go to SF, but after everything that went down with Leather Masters - I had no other altnerative but to come back. I probably could have found a way to stay in SF, but I was so distraut over all the events that I was flustered and wanted the easiest way out of the situation. I have a wonderful trainer at 24H named Nariska - she's about a 1/3 of my size and could probably bench press me several hundred times. Not only is she good with the workout but she also is a good friend having the abiliity to keep the friendship out of the workout.

And finally - the last major change that I've decided to make is to get back to California. The toughest part right now is deciding on which part - North or South.. If I move back to No Cal then its going to be SF - but there is a problem that, I'd have to leave the company I work for. The other alternative is So Cal (Costa Mesa) so that I could continue working for the same company I am now - I made mention of this move to my senior manager and she about had a cow, but offered to make the accomodations as needed if it kept me within the company. There is definately a lot more pulling me toward San Francisco - I certainly have a lot of friends there including jameth who I miss horribly. I have a townhouse to complete remodeling and have to get it sold before I make this decision. I have some time and probably wont make the change until January/Feb of 09.. but with life going as fast as it is lately, thats really not a lot of time.

I forsee myself posting a bit more as time goes on - I've spent the last couple hours reading back entries on my friends page seeing where everyone is - its nice to see people are still around and kicking and happy.

Attaching a few photos to update my look .. lol

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